Growing as a parent

A couple of weeks ago, I was so frustrated and disappointed with something that Jia did that my tone with her was firm but not very kind. I was not angry, I told her, but I was just at my wit’s end at that moment.

She was not able to go to school that day because we had no available car, no taxi would accept us, and Uber had a 2x plus surge (the last time I accepted a 2x plus surge to her school, the fare was Php500+!). Because I was also not in a very good mood, I told her to just stay home instead.

Because I made it clear with her that I was not angry and I think she also felt that, she was not “rebelling” against me. She was also not cowering. She just did the things I asked her to do (wash the dishes, make her onion poultice which meant slicing the onions, and serve kiwis to her siblings which meant peeling and slicing the kiwis) the normal Jia way — with determination and happiness. If I were not so clouded by my frustration, the two of us in the kitchen would have been a wonderful experience.

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And then to make my mood worse, I discovered that the caramel I made for my banoffee pies melted and that made the pies collapse. Those were pies that I stayed up for to make until the wee hours of the morning. I was ready to cry. As I was panicking, Joya came to me and asked me to play with him, like I promised I would. I told him that Mommy was just facing so many problems that moment and that I was so sorry but I would not be able to play with him. He understood, kissed me, and went to his room to play by himself.

I called my husband to tell him about the pies and he assured me it was okay. He asked me how I was and I explained briefly the situation with Jia. He gave me some advice and reminded me to let Jia know that it was what she did that was not acceptable and not her. I knew that but I needed to hear the reminder. Still, after I put down the phone, I did not go to Jia as I was still just too emotional. Instead, I went on Facebook and checked my On This Day memories. My memory from last year was this.


I laughed and cringed at the thought of my beloved straws.

Scrolling down, I read this.


This was about the Sandy Hook shooting and it made me realize how incredibly blessed I am to have my kids with me. Those parents who lost their kids would probably give anything they have to have their children back.

Scrolling down some more, I saw this.


This was after my shockwave therapy. The period before that, when the doctors could not find out what was wrong with me even after so many tests, was the darkest of my life. The thought of dying did not bother me at all. The thought of leaving my kids was another story and that sent me bawling.

I realized then the pettiness of my issue with Jia. My behavior was in direct contrast to my mantra to always be life-giving. I called her and before I could even say anything, she apologized and hugged me. I apologized, too, and we talked about what happened.

I was ashamed at how I behaved but at the same time, was also proud of myself. Prior to discovering positive parenting, I might have screamed my head off. Instead, I was able to calmly process with Jia why her behavior was less than ideal.

I am proud at how my relationship with Jia has improved. We can actually have an argument or a differences of opinion without fighting and without her being afraid of me. She has confidence in my love for her and I am just so proud of that. I am confident that she knows that my love for her is greater than any frustration or disappointment or anger I might be feeling. For my part, I think I have made great strides in curbing my anger.  As I told one of my workshop participants (and something I always tell myself), no naughtiness or  bad behavior is worth a child’s loss of self-esteem

Parenting indeed shapes the parent, too. The lessons I learn along the way help me not just be a better parent but be a better person. 🙂

On positive parenting

I mentioned before that I was a wreck when I was pregnant with Iana and it led to my two older kids’ regression. The silver lining there was I realized I had it in me to pull myself together for the sake of my kids. During the time I wrote that post, I was consciously trying to be a positive parent to my kids. Since we try to have a Montessori home (like the kids have to be independent), there were guidelines of positive parenting that were easy but there were parts that were difficult to apply at first (like no yelling… my golly gosh!). Little by little though I saw improvement in my kids’ behaviors. I saw the sparkle in their eyes coming back. I also learned to be more forgiving to myself and to my kids. It was as if a gray cloud that was hovering over our household disappeared.

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How to be a wonderful mom (A book by Jia)

Okay… so before you proceed reading, you have to solemnly swear you will not judge me. As in really swear! Okay? Swear? Okay…. now you may proceed.


So the past weeks have been kinda rough on me and to let out steam, I admit I was mostly on Facebook. And because of that, Jia reacted to what she believed was my lack of time for them. So she wrote this book, “How to be a wonderful mom”. Here, she explains what moms can do to manage their time better. I copied and pasted everything and did not edit out anything (except our address and phone number).

She said it was not for me but for all moms out there. Also, just n case you find her definition of “schedule” and “routine” weird, it’s because of how I use those words.

Oh, because of this, I have downloaded and am now using the app Forest so as to lessen my time on FB. LOL! Yes, tinamaan din ako! 🙂



You, as a mom, are most often stuck to FaceBook, playing with other adults, working, going to seminars, etc. And usually, there is no time left for your kids. This book will help you have time for your kids and still have time to do the rest of the things that you need to do. ( sorry, no contents! ) Hope you have a nice time reading.

Chapter 1

Right, you need a schedule. Sometimes it might be hard at first, but soon it will be easier. ( for those who already have a schedule, please go straight to Chapter 2. ) here is an example of a schedule:

6:00 Wake up
6:30 Prepare breakfast and eat breakfast
7:00 Drive your child/ren to school
7:30 Return home
8:00 Daily/Weekly date with your child/ren
8:30 Start talking on FaceBook with your friends there
9:00 Go to your weekly seminar
9:30 Return home
10:00 Change clothes
10:30 Arrival in Game Room and start playing Monopoly
11:00 Return home
11:30 Prepare lunch
12:00 Lunch
12:30 Lunch is finished
1:00 Rest
1:30 Drink a cup of coffee
2:00 Read
2:30 Free time
3:00 Pick up child/ren from school
3:30 Daily/Weekly date
4:00 Snack
4:30 Free time with child/ren
5:00 Free time byself
5:30 Prepare dinner
6:00 Dinner
6:30 Lights out for kids
7:00 Sleeping time for kids
7:30 Sleeping time for you

See, there are lots of ways to make a schedule. Take my mom, for instance. She would put some times at the left side of the paper, put our names ( Jia & Joya ) on the top and at last put things we should do in the rest of the paper. At least, it was NOT a schedule, since it was for our medicinces, but oh well, it would do.

Chapter 2

Most recommended for those who have a schedule already, but no routine, since this one is about making a routine. You see, a routine is much like a schedule, but unlike a schedule, a routine is pernament, so you have to be EXTRA careful with a routine. I cannot show it to you, since i intend to show it to you with pictures, and most routines have pictures so they would know which is a schedule and which is a routine. Oh well. Well, i should tell you more about the diffrences between a schedule and a routine.

1) A routine is pernament.
2) A routine has pictures.
3) A schedule has to be made everyday.

I cannot list anymore, since i have ran out of ideas. If you have any ideas, please write it down here.


Thank you if you got any ideas. Hope you now know the diffrences between a schedule and a routine.

Chapter 3

Most recommended for those who want and already are part of Positive Discipline. For those who want to check it out and also for those who want to join please go to Chrome and go to . I think there will be some seminars and lectures ( for an adult, please be reminded that you should not bring children for 2 reasons: 1, they will get bored, and 2, because they are not adults. ). The main reason i am writing this chapter is because most moms scold their children almost everyday. For those who are already part, please practice at home ( Note: do not let children see you, but you can tell them that you are part of Positive Discipline and that you sometimes need time alone. ).

Chapter 4

You may now tell other people about this book. Please also write down in here the things and other stuff after. And also this chapter is dedicated to extra stuff.



Our number: *******
Our address: *******
Our nearest mall: *******
Note: If you are going to visit us, please tell the guards your name,address and name of person you’re visiting.

Thank you for reading. Hope you understand now about Positive Discipline.- Julia Isabel T. Aviñante. A.K.A Cupid and Jia

The Anna dress

Around June, while on our weekly date, Jia and I went inside the department store in UP Town Center because she needed to buy something. While inside, she saw an Anna (of Frozen) dress. She stared at it for sooo long. Jia never had a Disney Princess costume before and I knew she wanted it. She asked me if we could buy it. I checked the price and it was Php1,349.00. Truth be told, if it were a book or something I felt had more relevance in life, I would probably have closed my eyes to the price and bought it. Jia is such a good and responsible girl and she seldom asks for things. But because it was just a costume, I could not justify the price to myself and explained to her that it was just too expensive. Still, the mother in me wanted to make my baby happy and so I told her that she could ask her Dad if she could buy it.

Anna from Frozen
When we got home, she explained to her Dad about the dress and how much she wanted it. Now, Jia has an allowance in school. It’s Php20.00 per day. She brings lunch and snacks and water so she really does not need to buy anything but we give her allowance primarily because studies have shown that adults who were given allowance as kids grow up to be better with money than those who did not. I give her Php100.00 at the beginning of the week and it is up to her to budget that for the whole week. Jia’s Dad told her that if she really wanted to buy the dress, she would have to save up for it. Jia agreed. [Read more…]