I feel that one of the best things I can give my kids is the security that their parents have a good marriage. This, I believe, will also prepare them and direct them to have good marriages when they grow up. A couple of weeks ago, as we were preparing for bed, the kids asked me to tell them the story of how their Dad and I met. So I told them about J and I – how we first met, how we became friends, and how we ended up together. After my story, Joya said , “Ohhhh!!! Friends who fell in love!” His eyes were sparkling and he looked so happy, I almost laughed out loud. I told them that it is better to be married to someone who is also a friend. Of course, whenever I say something about love and marriage, I end it up with “when you’re already an adult” or something similar (mahirap na! haha!). Minsan, lalagyan ko pa ng numerical age (“Yes, you can get married when you are 35 years old.”). Hahaha!
Jia, all 7 years old and 4 months and 3 feet 11 inches of her looking serious, said, “Mommy, I am confused. You said that falling in love is for adults. You see, I have a crush. The way I thought of it, a crush is something that hits you immediately [instantly] and then you have a crush on that person while love is something that takes a long time to develop. But you say that falling in love is for adults. I was thinking that since I have a crush on this person for a few years now, that it is has now developed to love and I am now falling in love with him. But if love is just for adults… I am confused….” She trailed off.
Okay, I have to admit that I had to breathe a little deeper than normal and I had to say “Hmmmmmmm” and “Ahhhhh” for a long time to be able to stall and think of how best to answer her. Hahahaha!!!
I told her that, indeed, love takes a long time to develop and yes, it is for adults, and then in a stroke of near genius that only happens to me once every few years (kasi usually tapos na yung pangyayari pag nakaisip ako ng magandang solusyon! Haha!), I remembered an FB viral post I saw about crushes and the “Love is patient, Love is kind” verse of 1 Corinthians 13. I told Jia that there is a simple test on how to see if what an adult is feeling is love or is just crush (yeah, sinabi ko na “what an ADULT is feeling” para klaro) but that she can also do the “test”. Ay, ang anak ko, dahil sa Montessori nag-aaral, excited sa salitang “test”! Haha! But since it was already late and I refused to do the test that night, she made me promise she’ll have the test the following day.
Day of the “Test”
I started by showing her 1 Corinthians 13: 4-7.
4 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5 It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6 Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7 It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Then I explained to her that before she can take the test to see if what she is feeling is love, she has to see first if the other person deserves to be loved. Oh, Jia was so excited! I told her that to know if the person deserves to be loved, all she had to do was to substitute the the word “love” with the name of the person and to see if the statement still holds true. If it does, then the person deserves her love when she is an adult.
Jia refused to take the test with me (I asked her to read it aloud.) and said she would do it by herself. I knew the exact moment the person “failed” the test (and I think I was able to hide my look of glee pretty well). Jia’s face looked crushed for about two seconds and then promptly recovered. I think she understood the wisdom of the test… plus it’s the Bible — she believes in the Bible so much ! (Sadly, wala akong kinalaman diyan, laking pasalamat ko talaga sa school niya!).
She then asked if she could copy the verse. When I said yes, she sat down, copied it, rolled the paper, and put it in her shelf, probably to remind herself about the test.
I was so proud of my girl. She was able to face a disappointment (this boy has been her crush since she was 4 years old) and get over it and then even do something to make sure she does not forget. I honestly do not know where she got her maturity. *insert a happy sigh*
I am also so proud of myself for not freaking out and for letting her feel that she could, in fact, talk to me about things like crushes and falling in love. I an anticipating that we would be going through this test a lot in the future. She told me she has 50 crushes now so at the very least, 49 more tests to go! Hahaha!